My anxiety was practically nonexistent when I was young (elementary school)-I was in Girl Scouts and would literally dance in cookie boxes inside grocery stores with my friends to sell cookies. All throughout school, I was a generally average student when it came to speech, not super talkative, but not exactly quiet either. There was a sexual assault incident that happened to me when I was newly 19 that did change everything about the very average social skills I had. I’m not asking for any pity or for you to feel bad for me about it at all, so please don’t think that’s what this is.
The Severity
At this point in time, I was enrolled at my local community college and would study by myself every day at Starbucks to get all my work done because I couldn’t focus at home. After the incident, I was terrified to go anywhere by myself, any coffee shops, to get gas, doctors’ appointments, or even a quick Walgreens run. I would sit in my car for at least 30 minutes before going anywhere. I was so scared something would happen that I would sit in my car and scare myself by waiting longer and a majority of the time it would result in me just leaving the location entirely and going home because my anxiety would be so bad. I missed so many opportunities to make friends after my transfer to university because I was terrified at the idea of going to an event alone, and it’s hard to trust people after something like that happens. This lasted for a little over 2 years. It became easier once I had friends I trusted that I felt comfortable with, but I still had horrible anxiety.
Overcoming/ My Steps
1. mindset
The first major turning point that helped me was changing my mindset. I realized how much I hated what happened to me and how much I was allowing it to affect me in my everyday life. This might sound unrealistic, but it helped me a lot to truly believe it. I thought “Why am I letting this stranger, whose name I don’t even know, have this much control over my actions and thoughts?”. I know the man forgot about me a few days, at max, a week after, so why should I keep thinking about him? All this time I had been feeling sorry for myself because of what happened when I could have been working on myself. I read a few articles on allowing yourself to play the victim, even if you are, really affects your day-to-day life and how others will treat you. I know the majority of people with anxiety aren’t in the exact position, but the phrase can be easily changed. This shift in mindset helped me when it came to going in stores for necessities, now that I’m living in my own apartment by this time, but not when it came to talking to strangers.
2. eating alone
The second thing that helped me, something physical, was forcing myself to eat by myself inside restaurants. The first place I did this was at my local Corner Bakery in San Antonio. I had never been there and had wanted to try it since I had a friend talk about it about three years prior. I remember blasting my music singing on my way there hoping that it would ease my nerves (it sort of did). I parked, adjusted my hair in my mirror, scoped out how to get to the front door (it was on a hill), and got out of my car as fast as possible to avoid the 30 minutes of waiting. I ordered, sat down, and took a breath. Not as bad as I thought. They delivered my food shortly after and I ate the meal while being on my phone the majority of the time as a form of comfort. There were two other women in the restaurant also eating alone which helped tremendously. I finished eating, then got up, and left. Once I got back to my car, I was so excited. I was proud, and it felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I had never done this prior to the incident, which I believe helped more. It’s now like I’m capable of doing more than I was previous to what happened to me. I called this a “self date”, and I went on two more the following week, which were so much easier.
3. talking to strangers
The third thing that helped me was forcing myself to talk to strangers. This started by complimenting strangers, so it wouldn’t be as much pressure on me. I got comfortable with the compliments because they were easy and always received a positive reaction. You either get a very excited “thank you!” or get a compliment in return. Following the compliments, I would sometimes ask how their day was going or for their name to keep the conversation going. Body language is a big thing to note when approaching strangers, it will tell you how introverted/extroverted they are and if they (usually) would like a friendly conversation with a stranger.
4. solo trips
The fourth and final thing that helped me overcome my anxiety was forcing myself to go on solo trips. I believe this helped the most. The first solo trip I did was to Austin, TX for the day. I left at 5am, watched the sunrise, and went to a local Starbucks to attend my zoom classes. After this, I went shopping at stores I was used to (target, DSW, etc.), and finally drove home. I had planned to go hiking or to a park, but I got anxious and decided not to. I let myself have it considering it was my first solo trip, I knew it would get better over time. The next major trip after that was in November 2021 and was an overnight camping trip near Austin. This trip was booked with “Getaways”, which consists of a private cabin and a little fire pit. This was so much fun for me, I went to Trader Joe’s the night prior for snacks, and it took me about 2 hours to start a fire (despite the Girl Scouts haha). The day after coming back I booked a solo 7-day Caribbean cruise for December 2021. I bought three different activities for the three different ports: horseriding in Honduras, cave tubing in Belize, and swimming with dolphins in Cozumel. I was so excited. The trip actually ended this week (December 18th), and I couldn’t have asked for anything better. Although I was nervous for the first few hours upon arrival, I met so many incredible people, as well as made amazing memories. Many times on the trip, I heard “You’re traveling alone??”, and at first I was embarrassed, but by the end I completely owned it. By the time I took this trip, I got comfortable enough going up to strangers (from the previous practices) that I would do it without hesitation. People alone on cruises are more than happy to talk to new people and are most likely dealing with the same anxiety internally. I met so many people that were impressed, confused, and interested in the thought of solo traveling. I can confidently say that this was the best vacation I’ve ever been on, not needing to wait for anyone, and having the capabilities to do whatever I want when I want. I wouldn’t have wanted it to go any other way.
anxiety in engineering classes
Similar to previous scenarios, once I was transferred and began attending university engineering classes I had no friends. It took me a while to talk to people because something was going to happen again, and I was fine being alone. It wasn’t until the most recent past semester that I realized, anyone will talk to you if you initiate it. I found that engineering guys are more nervous (than other majors) when it comes to talking to girls because there are so few in the classes, and it comes more naturally for them to talk to other guys. They get excited if they are approached, despite it sometimes being kind of awkward, but easy to make friends with them. Honestly, if you can show you’re confident, people will pick up on it and come up to you anyway.
Final Thoughts
If someone would’ve told me I’d be going to different countries by myself two years ago, I would’ve called them insane. I never thought I’d be where I am today, considering I spent two years scared to do anything at all. I truly believe anyone can do the same, I just hope they’re able to help themselves sooner than I had. Sometimes forcing yourself to be in uncomfortable situations might be the best thing you can do for yourself. I still sometimes get anxious, but it’s nothing compared to how bad it was.
Solo Trip Pics:
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